Depeche Mode Tour Dates Cancelled

I heard on the radio that Depeche Mode was back on tour but had to cancel some dates because lead singer David Gahan was ill. The details that were given..."complications associated with explosive diarrhea". Ruined shorts? Immediate loss of friends? Mud butt? Messy drivers seat? Burned out "O" ring? No more underwear in one piece? Toilet paper deficit? You name the reason, it could have been any one, or all of them. I'm no PR guy or Publicist, But it definitely wasn't just "stomache flu."

Asian + one + one more = Eiffel Tower

Glad to hear that I was indeed invited to the wedding and I hope the wedding party is an attractive one. I hear that at most weddings they are more willing for one night stands since they tend to feel a bit lonely. Well my friend, just remember, you have someone back home waiting for you so I have first dibs on whichever groomsman is willing to go through with it. I'll be sure to put a hanger on the door to make sure you don't disturb us. But, knowing you, you'll think it's an abortion clinic and walk right in to protest.

Politically Incorrect

Oops! In my last post I made a reference to 'Midget Porno'. I didn't mean to offend anyone and if I did, I'm very sorry. I should have used the term midget adult films.

Short films

One time I auditioned to be in a Midget Porno. Unfortunately, even their cocks were bigger.

The problem with ringtones

Not sure what part of "I'm with my girl" was unclear, but last night I heard 'Crocket's Theme' ringing on my phone. The quickest way for me to lose an erection is by picturing a tall, skinny, bearded Jew sitting in front of his PS3 in boxers. Oy Vey.

Great News For Us

I got Nick and Krystal's wedding invitation in the mail today. It only had space for me, so I texted them to clarify. You are invited as my "plus one". Better pick out a good wedding gift. I already have mine. Its going to be cash, in an envelope, that equals the amount spent for one person to attend.(save the date magnet, invitation+stamps, RSVP+included stamps, reception and [fingers crossed] OPEN BAR. See you in Washington, when we can be together again, my little Asian plus one.

A show thats worse

I really didn't know that "24" was so highly rated. I never actually got into it. Kiefer Sutherland was never a real draw for me. I get the concept 1 day=24 hours, 24 episodes an hour each. But each episode is real time 60 minutes? I understand him fighting crime, world terrorists, or what ever without sleeping, but when does he shit? A whole day without one number 2! If I were the lead, and the show was still on network television, they would have to call it 22 and a half. The sheer visits alone not to mention the length (of time, not stool) would take at least 90 minutes. Call me FX

This...is...SPARTA!!! If 'sparta' was Latin for 'gay'.

And don't forget the advertising dollars from IKEA, Asia SF, Trojan and Price Fister. Yes, I meant to leave out the extra "P". Who ever thought we'd make it to 100 posts let alone 200. That's reason to celebrate, but let's not forget to raise our glasses to the true heroes here...our fans, most of whom have to spend hours sifting through the rubble to find that one joke that may have actually been a little somewhat tad bit wee funny. Penis.

200th post celebration

I cant believe it's been 200 hundred posts already! I also cant believe that to help us celebrate, Blogger has offered us a money making opportunity. The bill above would be payment for an entire year of advertisers ransacking our blog with spots for $5 footlongs, unlimited tans, and car insurance from a gecko carrying a wad of cash with eyes on it. The 200 Ruble bill is from 1993 and is only worth 6.10072 US Dollars. Hey! Turns our our value is entirely intangible......not worthless, like mom says.

Err, excuse me, but...

The Simpsons are not exactly pulling in the ratings these days. In last week's Nielsen ratings, Family Guy ranked 14th behind Idol and Fringe with 24 coming in after. That "Bart" show was nowhere to be found. Stewie is the ultimate badass. Sorry.

electric cellist Marston Smith

No trip to Palm Springs is complete without a trip to the Thursday night street fair. It includes food, crafts, jerky, nick naks, and He-Man wearing a sweatband and gold chest plate, playing a cello powered by electricity. Note in the forefront the high powered fan (normally used for drying carpet and floor) blowing his golden locks into air behind him.
Send all complaints and "CD orders" to... marstonsmith@charter.net

schedge

All lowercase, no parenthesis, just the brink of pop culture. No one call Websters or anything just yet, but listen to my case.

Schedge [skej] n- slang, abbreviation for schedule. Used mostly by people of whom English is a second language. see schedule.

You see, after hearing it in the restaurants of California for months, I and other managers incorporated into our vernacular. "I need time to finish my..., Let me look at my.., and the most often heard... Hey! whats up with the Schedge. Now it can be heard on 30Rock (NBC's top rated show) and the Simpsons (FOX's ONLY rated show other than idol). Who do I see about a footnote?